Sister shenanigans

This is what a MOMENT in my head looks like.  The struggle is REAL when it comes to food.  It helps to have a good sense of humor about it.  My sister helped. 

Me:

I have SUCKED at planning my meals the last few weeks... I was down to 163 and now I'm back up to 165 and i feel like a whale.... how can 2lbs do that to you!?  I've gained it DIRECTLY in my stomach area.  I SUCK AT LIFE.  This morning I woke up early... fucked off for 45 minutes and the rushed around.  Didn't bring shit to eat.... I got a pop tart from the gas station... obsessed about eating it ALL THE WAY here.  I just kept thinking... it's breakfast candy, breakfast candy, breakfast candy... just eat a snickers you fat ass it would have less calories!  Needless to say I didn't eat it.  I threw it out the window like a psychopath in the middle of town... still in the wrapper.  All I have to eat at work is celery and apples.  I'm having an apple and dreaming of my delicious pop tart laying helpless on the side of the road.   

Ok I lied... I got 2 packs of pop tarts and one is in the kitchen calling my name like freaking coke to a drug addict. This shit can't be healthy!

My sister:
oh my, Couldn't you have at least took it out of the wrapper.  That shits not biodegradable

Me:
REALLY????? That's your mother fucking concern when I'm coming unraveled because of a processed toaster pastry?

My sister: 
Oh my are you really upset?  I am sorry cause I am sittin here laughing about to piss myself trying to read this train wreck

Me:
LOL I'm calm.... just dreaming of my pop tart.  I'm eating my delicious fucking apple.  The mother fucker who said fruit is like candy... is a fucking moron.  FRUIT DOES NOT = candy. Candy = candy

My sister:
Eat one of the pop tarts.. remember your shame eating... and don't do it again!

Me:
YEAH RIGHT .. like I can open the package and just eat one.. are you drunk already this morning??? I can't stop laughing or crying... I'm not sure if I'm laughing so hard I'm crying because I'm hilarious... or if I'm laughing because I'm crying over a pop tart. This needs to be a blog....dear sweet overweight baby Jesus**

My sister:

Okay.. well if you need something to get your mind off of it.. drive back and pick up your wrapper just cause you're crazy doesn't mean the environment has to suffer!

Me:
The baby geese probably ate it and are dying right now***... I just saw them yesterday with their geese moms along the side of the road. If nothing else you got some entertainment this morning

My sister:
<my sisters coworker>**** did too... He came up with the go get the wrapper bit.  I don’t give a shit about the environment

Me:

Tell him keep it up and I’m posting shit about him on Facebook.  I knew you didn't give 2 fucks about the environment*****

My sister:

HAHAHAH  Oh god... I am crying

* I can't find where I put the first * and I'm tired of looking

**I KNOW that the baby Jesus wasn't over weight
***No geese were harmed in the making of this blog
****I have changed the name of the innocent because he's paranoid and doesn't like to be on the interwebs
***** WE really DO give at least a couple of fucks about the environment so calm down!