This is what a MOMENT in my head looks like.
The struggle is REAL when it comes to food. It helps to have a good
sense of humor about it. My sister helped.
Me:
Me:
I have SUCKED at planning my meals the last few weeks... I
was down to 163 and now I'm back up to 165 and i feel like a whale.... how can
2lbs do that to you!? I've gained it DIRECTLY in my stomach area. I
SUCK AT LIFE. This morning I woke up early... fucked off for 45 minutes
and the rushed around. Didn't bring shit to eat.... I got a pop tart from
the gas station... obsessed about eating it ALL THE WAY here. I just kept
thinking... it's breakfast candy, breakfast candy, breakfast candy... just eat
a snickers you fat ass it would have less calories! Needless to say I
didn't eat it. I threw it out the window like a psychopath in the middle
of town... still in the wrapper. All I have to eat at work is celery and
apples. I'm having an apple and dreaming of my delicious pop tart laying
helpless on the side of the road.
Ok I lied... I got 2 packs of pop tarts and one is in the
kitchen calling my name like freaking coke to a drug addict. This shit can't be
healthy!
My sister:
oh my, Couldn't you have at least took it out of the wrapper. That shits not biodegradable
Me:
REALLY????? That's your mother fucking concern when I'm coming unraveled because of a processed toaster pastry?
oh my, Couldn't you have at least took it out of the wrapper. That shits not biodegradable
Me:
REALLY????? That's your mother fucking concern when I'm coming unraveled because of a processed toaster pastry?
My sister:
Oh my are you really upset? I am sorry cause I am sittin here laughing about to piss myself trying to read this train wreck
Me:
LOL I'm calm.... just dreaming of my pop tart. I'm eating my delicious fucking apple. The mother fucker who said fruit is like candy... is a fucking moron. FRUIT DOES NOT = candy. Candy = candy
My sister:
Eat one of the pop tarts.. remember your shame eating... and don't do it again!
Me:
YEAH RIGHT .. like I can open the package and just eat one.. are you drunk already this morning??? I can't stop laughing or crying... I'm not sure if I'm laughing so hard I'm crying because I'm hilarious... or if I'm laughing because I'm crying over a pop tart. This needs to be a blog....dear sweet overweight baby Jesus**
YEAH RIGHT .. like I can open the package and just eat one.. are you drunk already this morning??? I can't stop laughing or crying... I'm not sure if I'm laughing so hard I'm crying because I'm hilarious... or if I'm laughing because I'm crying over a pop tart. This needs to be a blog....dear sweet overweight baby Jesus**
My sister:
Okay.. well if you need something to get your mind off of
it.. drive back and pick up your wrapper just cause you're crazy doesn't mean
the environment has to suffer!Me:
The baby geese probably ate it and are dying right now***... I just saw them yesterday with their geese moms along the side of the road. If nothing else you got some entertainment this morning
My sister:
<my sisters coworker>**** did too... He came up with the go get the wrapper bit. I don’t give a shit about the environment
Me:
Tell him keep it up and I’m posting shit about him on
Facebook. I knew you didn't give 2 fucks about the environment*****
My sister:
HAHAHAH Oh god... I am crying
* I can't find where I put the first * and I'm tired of
looking
**I KNOW that the baby Jesus wasn't over weight***No geese were harmed in the making of this blog
****I have changed the name of the innocent because he's paranoid and doesn't like to be on the interwebs
***** WE really DO give at least a couple of fucks about the environment so calm down!
