Hello? Is this thing on?

I should be working right now (if my boss is reading this... I'm totally kidding I'm working my ass off)  but I'm not.  I'm bored.  I have recently become "active" (in that I talk to like 2 people) on a weight loss forum and I found myself scouring through the archives today to see if anyone else had an interesting blog....  I was disappointed (unless you came here from that thread in which case... your blog fucking rocks!)

It took me quite a while to get comfortable with people judging my thoughts.  I have a hard enough time with worrying about what people think of the things they can see on the outside imagining the reaction to my crazy thoughts was terrifying.  I started a blog anyway because, well, I like it when people think I'm funny or informative and 9 times out of 10... I am. 

I don't have sponsors and I'm not trying to make money or sell you some magical shit to lose weight because those things are imaginary... like unicorns. I WISH that I could find someone to financially compensate me for the random shit that comes out of my mouth but I've yet to find that amazing company to do that.  Please feel free to comment below if you want me to peddle your products for cash... I'm a reasonable bitch.

 If no one is going to read something then really why bother writing it down?  In reading the blogs of others I've come to the conclusion that people are boring or I'm not serious enough.  I appreciate that you took the time to post your reps and what supplement that you drank for your workout but when that's all of the substance... pass.  Did you know that laughing burns calories?  Don't start logging that shit or I'll blast you out on my blog that 10's of people read.  I'm not saying your blog is wrong and mine is hella right because it's not.

I have thought about "rebranding" the blog because it seems that it has become less about health and more about life which coincidentally SHOULD include your health.  The S in THE S word really can be anything ( but not sword which fucking google thinks I'm saying when I type it into the search bar)  shit, solidarity, simple.... those are just a few that came to mind. I think that people are at least slightly entertained by my grammatically incorrect musings and I throw in some photos from time to time to show that I REALLY am trying to be healthy and motivate you but lets face it.... I'm too funny to be motivational. 

So friends I tried reading your blogs and they were great and all but lets try to throw in some entertaining shit from time to time.  I think that it makes people more relatable and if you can't relate to my sense of humor then I'm probably not going to inspire you to do anything.... For the love of Jesus, Mary and Joseph..... comment below so I know that I'm not just amusing myself.

Thoughtful Thursday

My sister and I used to email each other when I wasn't able to chat with her.  It was always a competition to see who could come up with the most interesting adjective to describe our day using the first letter of whatever day of the week it was. It can get tricky to be creative.... Today was thoughtful Thursday.

We discussed (I did anyway, I think she just read what I said) some pretty deep shit about life and how it starts and when it ends and everything in between.  When you really stop and think  about it (assuming you aren't a total fuckstick and have some comprehension of your surroundings) we live in a pretty amazing and complex place.  We ARE amazing and complex. I personally don't know how it all started or how it will end.  No one does (please don't cite the Bible... I know what all that says) and in reality I don't think it matters. I think RIGHT NOW is what matters.

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and why we do the things we do. I mostly obsess about health and eating but then when I stop to think about it I wonder, is it all worth it?  Tomorrow might life might be taken from me and was depriving myself of a double cheeseburger really worth it?

I know  how quickly your life can change. I watched my best friend go through it with the loss of her teenage son.  At that time it put into perspective how the things in life REALLY matter and focusing on shit that doesn't matter in the end probably isn't worth it.  No I'm not relating the loss of a life to my giving up a deep fried ho ho or the fact that my son wants to drill holes in a new car.. I'm just saying that I think every once in a while we need to just stop and be happy for what we have, what we are and what we are given and realize that being happy is more important than being unhappy about dumb shit.

I always think that I need a path, a goal, an end point but in reality.... I don't.  I need to stop being so unhappy with everything including myself and just enjoy the moments that I have while I have them.  I don't think it matters if I have an extra 10 or 20lbs I should be able to enjoy things and not be so critical.   What if your goal is to be happy?  To laugh? To enjoy the sunshine?  At the end of all of it when we are dust the one with the most money doesn't win.   The thinnest one doesn't get a special prize.  None of those things matter in the grand scheme of things.  LIFE MATTERS.  People matter.

So for today I will go home, I will eat wings with my family and friends and maybe go for a run because I want to and not because I feel like I need to look good or lose weight.

WTF Wednesday turned into Throat Punch Thursday

So let me just start out by saying be prepared for what you are about to read.  It will basically have no valuable substance and really is ONLY about my mental health or lack thereof and me ranting about shit you probably don't give 2 shits about.   I know, first world problems.  I hope that no one reads this and thinks of it as bragging or being showy but it is what it is.

Complaint #1.
This is my son...... and the ALMOST BRAND new car that I bought him. 

 

Pretty sweet ride for a 16 year old.  IMO

 

 

Having never been a 16 year old boy I didn't realize the need to put all kinds of random shit on your car.  I get a new car I'm like sweet.... new car why go and fuck it up.  I never received my cars as gifts I had to buy all of them myself.   I might get some new wheels and tires... which I did on my car (btw it's the same year as the car I bought my son).  His car already had nice rims and tires, the windows are tinted, it has rain guards, onstar, remote start (mine doesn't have that shit) and it's turbo.  Spoiled much???

 

We have had more arguments over this fucking car than we've had in 15 years. He immediately cut the perfectly great factory muffler off and had a noisy one put on and we didn't even keep the factory muffler in case it needed to go back on.... without my permission.  FYI Don't go to Munro muffler... they are fucking assholes.  He put some lights and stuff inside there was wiring and some Velcro and other randomness.... OK whatever.  STICKERS.... dear God so many stickers.  Racing stripes and the most recent blow up..... a spoiler.  It was intercepted from UPS which was a whole different issue but whatever.

 

Now..... I'm going to draw the line at drilling holes in a perfectly good car to attach an aftermarket stupid spoiler..... for several reasons.  #1 I don't like it.  #2 I make the payments #3 I said so.

 

News flash: I'm now the most hideous and unrelenting parent on the face of the planet. Some ungrateful shit happening and as you all can guess... I suck at parenting. 

 

Complaint #2.

I've been working out... gained 3 mother fucking pounds.  The first person who comments with "it might be muscle" might get throat punched.  Today I'm eating only fruits and vegetables.  Translate that into.... stay away from me because I'm probably going to be a giant bitch.

 

Complaint #3.

Dealing with my family is like dealing with a herd of drunk cats. IMPOSSIBLE.

 

Complaint #4.

I quit drinking and that might have been a bad choice.

 

So to make this relevant to health and weight loss.. be sure to get in your 30 minutes of exercise today and don't fucking count sorting mail or singing while sitting..... although someone said that peeing burns 20 calories.. SCORE because I drink a lot of water....

 



Stop cheating yourself

I use an app to track my food intake and exercise (along with my up band).  I haven't been on recently really to look at it but needed some motivation so went looking through the forums for before and after photos to motivate myself.  It helped a little.....

I have quite a few "friends" (people I've never met or spoke with but watch what they log to make myself feel better or worse about what I am or am not doing)  Is that considered stalking?  ANYHOO.... I've noticed lately that some people log the most ridiculous shit as "activities".  I'm going to list them and my opinions of them below.

Sorting mail. Unless you ARE a mail sorter and you do it ALL DAY long... sorting mail for 5 minutes is not log worthy.

Singing while sitting.  No folks I'm NOT making this up.  Someone logged it for 15 minutes and counted the calorie burn.

Clearing the table.  I've not seen the DVD advertised for this..... Sounds like a blast

Unloading the car.  I have nothing to say about this one.

Now.... if you are counting these things as exercise and you aren't losing weight.... you might want to rethink your plan of attack.

Before anyone hates on me let me say that I know that moving is moving. Whether it is a little or a lot.  The things above are not an exercise and should not be counted as such.  I think the total calorie burn for these things was around 150 calories and I can tell you that you are probably NOT burning that many calories while completing 30 minutes combined of those activities unless you are unloading bricks or dead bodies from you car in which case we have bigger issues.

Don't cheat yourself out of being healthy because you want to see those numbers.  Those are things that you do in your normal every day life.  STOP CHEATING YOURSELF.  The only one who loses (not weight, life) is you.

Before and after