If you buy it you will eat it!

SHIT.  Whew glad I got that out first thing. I had these delusions of grandeur that I was strong.  I was able to walk past the chips or crackers and not eat them.  I realized last week that I'm not.  The reason that I'm not eating them is because I'm not keeping them in my house.  Sure we have junk like Pringles, cheese, wheat thins..... turns out I'm only immune to those things because I really don't like them much anymore.

I'm considering faking a dairy intolerance so people will stop trying to have lunch with me and offering me food.  My sister who IS lactose intolerant (OR IS SHE???) seems to like to throw that out when people are trying to tempt her with fucking delicious shit that isn't good for her.  I have pretty much cut out MOST dairy from my diet.  I hate milk.  It's disgusting and comes from the boob of a cow.  I didn't even breast feed my own kid because the thought of it repulsed me.  Drinking milk is out of the question.  - Side note... my kids is 5'10" and weighs 200lbs.... he did just fine on formula and I need to get some calcium supplements.

I've been caring for a family member.  She's OLD.  80.  She eats like a garbage disposal.  I went into her house and almost went into a diabetic coma by proxy.  I've gathered that her diet consists of the following food groups:  Fast food, chocolate, potato chips, jello and bacon.  That's right folks.  The unhealthy apple doesn't fall far from the tree because my mom doesn't eat much better.  She's 80 and her back is broken so I figure I'll let her eat whatever she wants.  I DARE someone to take my chips out of my hand as an 80 year old woman.  I will CUT A BITCH.  I don't want to live to see 80 and if that were the case my life is half over.  Depressing shit!

I tried to explain to her that I don't eat those foods any more and she doesn't understand.  Even as a sick person she wants to take care of people.  I'm grown, I can feed myself, I don't need your money and I certainly don't need those fucking delicious nutty bars that I see over there near the caramels, Rollo's and Samoa cookies.....

Just kidding.  I FUCKING ATE THEM ALL!  I have no will power.  This is how it went:

Day 1- WTF is going on here?  Why do you have no healthy food?  Why can't you move and where is everyone who helps you? (Breakdown occurs)
Day 2 - I got this shit.  "You want bacon and eggs, grandma?"  3 pieces for her.... 3 for me... gotta keep it even!   I'll feed her whatever she wants and I'll eat this chickpea salad I made....  AAAAND this nutty bar.  One won't hurt
Day 3 - FUCK I'm tired.  This piece of KFC in her fridge looks all amazing because all I bought was a chicken wrap that I painstakingly made this morning at 5 am so I would have something to eat here so I wouldn't eat the crap at her house.  Just kidding you forgot it at work. MMMM CHICKEN
Day 4 - Too lazy to make anything to take. I'll just eat whatever I can find.  Translation- Samoa cookies and pizza
Day 5 - JESUS H CHRIST is the junk food multiplying?  Where did these fudge cookies come from? Apparently my mom is bringing it in when I'm not there.
Day 6 - Was my day of rest. Someone else in my family went to feed her.  I ate pizza... and snacks
Day 7 - Oh it's your birthday and you want to have white cake with icing AND PIZZA?  Sure I just had pizza I won't want that.  WRONG.  I LICKED the icing off the liner and ate directly from the entire cake with a fork.  I have no concept of the actual portion size that I ate.... I pretend it was less than it really was and log it in my calorie tracker like a champ.  Repeat with the pizza... minus the licking.

Sooooo.  For anyone who looks up to me because I'm so inspirational... I'm a hot fucking mess.  I did manage to lose 1 lb and I'm not lying about that.  The moral of this story is that if you want to live a healthier life like me... just don't keep delicious shit in your house.  Keep things in there that you TELL yourself are delicious and that will make do until you are nose to nose with the mother load of delicious crap that you won't allow yourself to buy because you are a weak slave to the processed goodness of a nutty bar.

Forgot to throw this in.  Yesterday my boss was convincing me to try this AMAZING "ham salad" that someone in his family made. (It was tasty!)  I was certain it had mayonnaise in it- YUCK.  I tried it anyway... and could clearly taste bologna.  When I asked if it had bologna in it he said yes, he was afraid to tell me because he knew I wouldn't try it.  Jokes on you!  I LOVE BOLOGNA.  THHHEENNN almost as if a sign from God I got these photos from a friend.  THIS is why I don't eat bologna.  It's me 60lbs heavier and miserable. I'm sitting next to a frog statue which I hate even more than I hate mayonnaise.  Frogs are fucking scary!