THE "S" word:  Skinny

These six letters have caused me so much grief though out my life. If you are like me, and a large percentage of the United States is, you are overweight. Whether you are 12 or 90 being overweight sucks, hard. Your "thin" friends complain about how fat they are and it takes every ounce of strength to not shove a double bacon cheeseburger down their throats even though you know that they have their own issues to deal with. Everyone tells you that you have a "pretty face". The thought of having to wear a bathing suit in public is almost enough to make you jump off a cliff. Skinny is TOXIC.

I am a 34 year old regular person living a regular life in rural Ohio. I'm engaged to be married later this year and I have a wonderful 16 year old son. I'm probably not grammatically correct and I'm OK with that. I'm brutally honest and I curse like a sailor. Cursing is the once vice (besides overeating) that I just haven't been able to give up. My house is often a mess despite the absence of small children, if only I had them to blame. I have battled with my weight and eating healthy since the birth of my son in 1998. Yep you read that correctly. I'm still whining about the 65 pounds I gained during pregnancy 16 years ago. GET OVER IT, right?

I hate, no I abhor the word skinny. Every time I hear a woman use the word skinny I want to throat punch her. However, I am the woman I hate. Thank goodness I can't throat punch myself. I'm the woman who just can't be happy with how I look regardless of how much weight I lose. I hold myself to impossible standards. I pretend like I don't mind that I can eat an entire bag of chips in a single sitting knowing full well that I'll be crying about it the next morning. Nothing fits and even my stretch pants are crying out for me to just STOP IT. I can't achieve the desired "thinness". I wonder why?

This is my journey. You're coming in halfway through. I'm hoping that this will help me realize that I don't need to be "skinny" or "thin". Those of you who have never had to battle any addiction, and food IS an addiction, count yourselves lucky. NO I'm not saying that you bitches have no issues and your life is perfect. I'm just saying that when my daily inner struggle starting when I open my eyes in the morning is what can I eat and when, that's a problem.
 

My name is Jenn and I am addicted to food.

I realized that 2 years ago if I didn't change something in my life that I was going to live a craptastic, overweight, miserable life. I was probably going to succumb to the same health issues that plagues a lot of my family. Diabetes. Heart disease. Cancer. I stopped smoking, stopped drinking and started working out, HARDCORE. No surprise that I burnt out.

Over the last 2 years I've lost approximately 40 pounds (60 if you count the 20 I've gained and re lost - loser). I have SLOWLY learned that there is no quick fix for health.  Moderation in portions, choosing GOOD CLEAN things to put into my body and exercising. I've come to love (yeah right) the workouts. I love the feeling of accomplishment that I get when it's over.
 

I hope that you will stop back often to read about my rants, my struggles, my successes and my thoughts about anything that comes to mind. I also hope that I can have the happy ending and realize that I am eating to live not living to eat.